I’m Sure It’s a Lovely Dog, But…

It’s not that pit bulls are more vicious than other dogs; it’s that they’re more capable. Little bitsy dogs are probably much more bad-tempered, but if I were to be attacked by a Lhasa apso, I’m pretty sure I’d be able to fend it off until help arrived. Some canine killing machine with jaws that can snap a two-by-four? Not so confident.

Same with chimpanzees. I’m glad that the late Michael Jackson was able to buy himself a bestie who wasn’t just interested in him for his money — and yes, gerbils are probably even more likely to be blood-thirsty brutes. It’s just that when a chimp goes off, a lot of bad things start to happen, that are real hard to get back into the box. The most striking bit, IMO, about the chimpanzee that ripped off that woman’s face was that the chimp also went after a policeman in his patrol car, who emptied a fully loaded Glock into the thing’s chest — and it didn’t die! It wandered off and finally fell down sometime later. Eight shots don’t just discourage a gerbil, they vaporize it.